How to pit cherries and not get arrested for bootlegging

I try to spend part of every Monday figuring out what new jams I’ll make for Saturday’s market, so I have time throughout the week to buy the ingredients, make the jams, and label them. Because Father’s Day is coming up, I became inspired by my Father-in-law’s love of Manhattans, that classic cocktail that’s usually made with whiskey, vermouth, and bitters.

I decided to make brandied cherries, a perfect garnish for Manhattans and a perfect gift idea for dads. (Dad doesn’t like old fashioned cocktails? No problem! Brandied cherries pair well with venison and Cornish game hens too!) I was so taken with the perfection of my idea that I decided to make two more boozy recipes for Saturday.

I bought all the ingredients, mostly tons and tons… and tons of cherries. Lianna Krissoff, author of Canning for a New Generation, warns not to use a cherry pitter when making brandied cherries. It’s fine for making cherry jam, because the cherries will end up getting smashed to bits anyway, but for preserving whole cherries, Krissoff recommends using a paperclip.

I was dubious at first. A paperclip?! It would be like trying to debone a chicken using a fork. But it worked — and worked well. (To pit cherries with a paperclip, unfold it once, so there’s a bend at each end. Hold one end and use the other to pierce the top of the cherry and fish out the pit.)

I pitted and pitted… and pitted. Finally, I had enough cherries to begin. I mixed my ingredients, processed the jars, and listened to the joyful ping, ping, pinging of the lids sealing after their boiling water bath.

The next day, I was so excited about how popular my boozy offerings would be, I made a promotional graphic before I even made the last two batches. And then it occurred to me (yes, rather belatedly) that there might be the tiniest problem with selling a product that was full of booze, even booze that had been boiled.

I won’t bore everyone with my research, but I will share that, instead of making this week’s berry ale jam with the wonderful Flatbed Pale Ale I’d bought from Big Truck Farm Brewery, I drank it while re-reading the Maryland Cottage Food Laws. I paid particular attention to the parts about selling food products containing alcohol. The liquor control board was mentioned. A food lab was listed as a possible resource.

I stared at my gorgeous batch of brandy-soaked cherries. Learning how to paperclip pit was one thing. Figuring out how I could legally sell brandied cherries was another. I was ticked that I couldn’t bring my beauties to market this week, but I was also relieved my fever dream was over.

What will I be bringing to market this week? Cherry chocolate jam — because I’m an expert paperclip pitter now. And berry ale jam made with Erdinger’s non-alcoholic malt beverage. See you tomorrow!